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Jill Starishevsky, Featured SwankyMom |
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 As a new mom, I did my research on vaccines and breastfeeding, choking hazards and back to sleep, but I had no idea when to talk to my daughter (or what to say) to keep her safe from child sexual abuse. This was particularly surprising as child sexual abuse is my industry. I had been a prosecutor of child abuse and sex crimes for ten years by the time my daughter was nearing the age of 3. I knew from my experience at work that child sexual abuse does not discriminate. It does not care if you are black, white or Hispanic, rich or poor, or what religion you practice. The sad fact is that it happens everywhere.
I also knew that children do not immediately tell if they have been touched, and it was therefore important to have a conversation early about what was a good touch and what was a bad touch. My pediatrician was from a large practice with a website that provided valuable information about positive parenting and nutritional health. His website was my first step in my quest for an answer. I searched the site and found nothing even remotely addressing the subject. I waited until my next scheduled doctor’s appointment for my daughter and asked the doctor my question directly. He said as soon as she is old enough to be out of my sight and had basic communication skills, I should be talking to her about these things. I asked why there was no mention of this on the office website. He shrugged his shoulders and said, “I don’t know, taboo?”
As soon as she was old enough to be out of my sight meant now. But I couldn’t have this conversation without more guidance. What if I messed it up? What if I scared her?
I went to the children’s library here in New York City and asked the librarian for all their books on talking to children about good touch/bad touch. The woman disappeared and returned five minutes later with a stack of books. I read through each of them and found they were geared toward a 6th grade reading level and attention span. Certainly, they were far too advanced for my soon-to-be three-year-old.
Frustrated by the lack of age-appropriate reading materials, I reflected on why a book like the one I was searching for was so important. I remembered a trial I had handled years earlier that had a profound impact on me. I prosecuted the case of a nine-year-old girl who had been raped by her stepfather since she was six. She told no one. One day, the girl saw an episode of "The Oprah Winfrey Show" about children who were physically abused. The episode, "Tortured Children," empowered the girl with this simple message: If you are being abused, tell your parents. If you can’t tell your parents, go to school and tell your teacher. The girl got the message and the very next day went to school and told her teacher. I prosecuted the case for the District Attorney's office and the defendant was convicted and is now serving a lengthy prison sentence.
I have thought often of that very sweet, very brave nine-year-old girl. It occurred to me that after three painful years, it took a TV program encouraging her to "tell a teacher" to end her nightmare.
I decided to write a children’s book to get this important message out there. My Body Belongs to Me is now in its second printing and has been praised by parents, educators and the medical community.
Learn more at http://www.MyBodyBelongstoMe.com. Talk to your children about child sexual abuse prevention – it is one of the greatest gifts you will ever give them.
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